The Valleys

One of the coolest roadies I've met said it best on launch day: "We are made for the valleys." Life is full of highs and lows, mountaintops and valleys. The last two weeks have absolutely proved this to be true.

First of all, we've seen great success and extraordinary frustrations. Within two days of launching Kony 2012 online, we absolutely crushed our goal of 500000 views. In two weeks, something like 100 million people have viewed Kony 2012. It's uncommon now to come across someone who hasn't heard of Joseph Kony. Our mission was to make him famous, and it's working.

It was hard because the day that Kony 2012 went viral, we were at a really lightly attended screening. I just wanted to shout to the crowd outside that they were missing out on history being made. I wanted to tell them all that they needed to open their eyes and look around at the injustice in the world instead of focusing on their own lives. But even still, we had some amazing people. And after a lot of thought on this, I know that it isn't my place to lecture or judge. We are addressing something dark and something painful. Sometimes, people aren't ready to hear about it. Sometimes, people are devoted to fighting another area of the darkness. I can't make the call about where people are in their lives and hearts, although it was frustrating to me. Honestly, it was frustrating because I remember how long it took for me to care about acting on anything wrong in the world.

This sudden fame of course meant scathing criticism. It was hard to read and hard to hear that people were watching this film and throwing stones at Invisible Children instead of joining us to see Kony and the LRA stopped. It was extremely painful at moments. But then, there were all the people we were meeting that would ask questions, not attacking us, but just genuinely wanting to know. And it was amazing to watch people who began as skeptics change their hearts and support what we were doing.

We were met more and more with people who were supportive. The focus in the madness had somehow become about Invisible Children and not about stopping Kony. I think that this reaction came from a sense of shame. People had no idea this had been going on for 26 years. When it was shown to them, somewhere in their hearts, they felt shame that their fellow human beings were suffering and living in fear. The gut reaction was to lash out, to find someone who was at fault for something. At least, that is what I believe. But as the week passed, more people began to talk about issues of social justice and what it means to live in a world where we can help each other and be connected so easily. People started to talk about how this connection changes our responsibilities to each other. People began to care. This was a mountaintop moment.

I don't know much about what happened to Jason. I know that all of us at Invisible Children are hurting for him. The extreme stress and harsh criticisms took their toll on him, mentally, physically, emotionally. Who of us wouldn't have been affected? I do know that it has been incredible to have this community, this family, all reaching out to hold each other up, all fighting to move forward, all still willing to stop at nothing to see Joseph Kony brought to justice this year. My heart breaks to see Jason unwell. I'm praying for him and his recovery each day, and I ask that you would pray, too. This is a hard thing, but we are still on the side of what is right. This is a mission bigger than Jason, bigger than Invisible Children. This is about seeing justice and changing the mentality of the world. And it is working.

We have been calling contacts to just talk to them about any questions they are getting or any concerns they have. I was nervous to make these calls. The first contact I reached was amazing. He told me about how he has been involved with IC since seeing the Rough Cut in middle school. He told me how they are still excited to have us and how he believes in what we are doing. He told me they are praying for us all. Another contact told me that her club that is hosting the event held up posters saying different times IC didn't stop when things got hard and that IC wouldn't stop until Kony was captured. She told me there is a lot of support and positive responses. And the last contact I spoke to today said they all just want to see Jason take care of himself and get well. It was extremely powerful and encouraging to hear these people supporting and caring. It's incredible to see that not only IC employees, but also supporters across the country, are willing to show love and grace at this time.

My mom watched Kony 2012 when it came out. It was the first IC film she saw. I asked her what she thought, and she told me that she cried because there is so much evil in the world. I told her that there is so much good fighting the evil. I had forgotten that I believed that until she wrote it on my Facebook today. There really is so much good fighting the evil. Being on the road, it is so hard to remember that we are fighting a spiritual battle. This is so much bigger than the obvious pieces of the story. There is so much more at stake, so we have to risk so much more. As Invisible Children's CEO Ben Keesey says, "You can only succeed as far as you are willing to fail."

The world is a different place than it was two weeks ago. So much has happened. There have been mountaintops and valleys. We have seen darkness fighting to crush us. A couple of verses from 1 John have been on my heart in the last few hours.

"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all." -1 John 1:5

"Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining." -1 John 2:8

God is light. Ultimately, He will defeat the darkness. Above all else, this is what matters. This is what is beautiful and what I cling to.

Even now, so much is beautiful. Keep praying. I can't predict what will come in the next seven weeks of my life. I don't pretend I'm not afraid. I do know that I cannot stop and will not give up. I can't say why anyone else on this tour is working for IC, but I know I'm here for the glory of God, to work on showing love to everyone I meet, and to help see justice served in this dark world.

Lastly: "Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future." -Ecclesiastes 6:13-14

Launch to Oklahoma

Too many things have happened to correctly record them, but I should hit the highlights. The last couple of days in San Diego were intense to say the least. First of all, I was sick. And we had Launch Dinner the Tuesday before. We all got dressed up and went to a beautifully decorated building. I wish I could remember the name of it, but I couldn't breathe and my body was exhausted. Jason, one of our founders, and Jed, the director of ideology, got up to read affirmations for each roadie. I was sitting between two of my best friends here, and I was tearing up as soon as it started. I have a reputation. Both of them had their affirmations read right before me, so I was pretty teary. When Jason said my name, he first asked me how I was doing and everyone laughed, including me through the tears. He told me that rumor has it I'm a crier. And that means I have empathy. He told me to never look at my empathy and tears as a weakness but as a strength and to never loose that. We finally got through all the affirmations, and it was time to watch the film we had all spent 6 weeks trying to sell to administrators, teachers, pastors, and students. It was real in that moment. We got home that night and had to clean and pack. My bunkmate and I were both sick, so we packed and went down to the corner store and bought some cold medicine and tissue. We talked about the film and what we were about to do with some of the other roadies before we went in to try to sleep off our colds.

The next morning was the last day in the office. We got there around 6:30 and did not leave until nearly midnight. Our van was packed (mostly), the office was clean, panels had been completed (finally), and our superiors told us we were ready. After a week on the road, I'm still not sure. I don't think you are ever ready for something like this. One moment that isn't lost in the fog came during our last panel. My entire team did so well, and we were told that we all were strong. Ben Keesey, the CEO, told me that I crushed the question I had to answer. I think this will remain the highlight of my life. Things can only go downhill from here. We had been packing and working all day. Things were crazy. We had to load these huge posters into the van, and they were impossible! My team had struggled with them for a while, and we had to go into our final meeting. When we came out, someone from the shipping department had loaded our posters. Of course, I burst into tears on the spot. It was an incredible, quiet act of kindness and in that moment, when I was sick and exhausted and feeling a thousand emotions, I was completely overwhelmed.

The goodbyes on launch day were incredible. I don't even know how to explain the things that I felt that day. I heard one of the youngest roadies read something extremely powerful that he had written. I said goodbye once again to one of the people I love the most in my life, and again I was so thankful for his kindness and his words of encouragement. I said goodbye to people I didn't get to know as well as I wanted, and goodbye to an acquaintance from home who became a brother over the 6 weeks together in San Diego. I was told that I was loved because of others and that I was loved for being myself. I was told that I would be missed and told that people wanted to become better friends when we get back. Throughout all of it, I wanted to encourage everyone and tell everyone all the beautiful things I had learned about them, but I couldn't speak through the tears and the strength of the emotion. People were okay with that. I've reflected on this so much, and I think God just wanted people to tell me that I am good enough to do this. I am strong enough through Him. I am loved. Sometimes, I loose sight of that. I'm shy and insecure and I want to love everyone with all I have, but that's hard to do when I feel like people don't want that from me. At launch, I understood that God loves me infinitely and the people that I love return that love to me with interest. I'm so blessed and undeserving of the people in my life.

Before I knew it, I was in Las Cruces, reunited with nearly all the people I love most, with the exception of a few I left behind. I got to introduce my beautiful friends to most of my roadie class. I was so happy and so proud of them. I had been with them greeting the roadies last semester. It was surreal to be the roadie they were waiting for. When I saw them serving breakfast to us the next morning, I was so moved by their hearts. They were up at 5:30 AM after waiting up until at least 3 AM, serving us. And one of my friends I didn't get to see left a cherry shake with a note for me. It was incredible. The whole thing. We then went to White Sands, where my parents met up with us. And we said goodbye to more of our friends. I said my goodbyes to the teams that were splitting off, and then said my goodbyes to my best friends.

Now I'm in Oklahoma, experiencing kindness everyday. I have been so humbled by just one week on the road. Our team is doing great, with the exception of Andrew, my team leader, being sick. He's almost well, but prayers for his health as well as the rest of the team would be appreciated. We're with our second host family, and I can't imagine any homes being more welcoming than these two. I keep thinking things must go downhill, but instead I'm hit with wave after wave of extreme acts of kindness. People are willing to take us into their homes and feed us. The family we're with now paid for us to go to a museum and wildlife preserve. A woman at Walmart waited for Andrew and Lawrence to get back to the van and gave them a donation. Middle school kids give us the artwork they are most proud of and say hi to us in the halls. College students use their dining points to pay for us. Strangers help us carry heavy boxes. People are kind. Just all around. And Oklahoma- BEAUTIFUL. I'm in love with this state and so sad to say goodbye tomorrow.

Next stop: St. Louis, MO

Stop at nothing.

Highlights of the Last Two Weeks

So things are getting busy here, as we prepare to launch Kony 2012 in one week. I want to write about several things that legitimately should've been at least four separate posts.

80's Prom:

Coming up on three weeks ago, we had prom here in the Roadie house. The interns were invited, we all got in costume, we had DJs, and we had incredible food. We know how to throw a party. But the coolest thing about this was the reason it was "prom." Two of the sweetest people here graduated high school early, so they aren't getting a traditional senior prom. So we had the Invisible Children version, and they were our king and queen. Seriously fun stuff.

Ugandan Roadies Arrive:

Last Thursday, our Ugandan teammates got here!! Before that, I was already having an emotional day. I'm lucky enough to have a friend from home here with me, and his sister came to visit. Then, I got green chile in the mail because love is real, and my friend Val is awesome. So I was already fairly tearful throughout the day. I already expressed all my feelings through crying when I got here, but now it's at a whole new level. Someone says something sweet, I am reaching for the tissue. I feel inspired, my eyes aren't dry for long. Needless to say, I have invested in waterproof mascara. By the time we got to the airport, I felt incredibly nervous. I was bouncing up and down, staring at the escalator where our teammates would appear. I had seen so many videos of Roadies greeting the Ugandans, and there is always this moment where music starts playing as the screaming begins and it's perfect and the camera cuts to different teams embracing. In my head, I kept waiting for the music to cue me so I would know when to start cheering, so I would know when it was real. Then I would remember that the music has to be added later, so I wouldn't blink because I didn't want to miss a moment of this. After what seemed like hours, they were there. We were all screaming and jumping up and down and laughing and crying. My team and I found Lawrence and started talking to him. We all knew right away that the Invisible Children HR department had worked their magic once again. When I got home that night, I was physically exhausted from all the emotion. But this all became real. I always think I understand why I'm here. I always think I've reached the capacity on empathy and love and understanding. But meeting Lawrence and the rest of our Ugandan friends, that was a paradigm shift I can't explain in words. These are the faces of my brothers and sisters that I've been trying to love for the past year and a half. Now, I actually can understand the love because I get to talk to them and laugh with them and know them. It's incredible. And the blessings keep going- just yesterday, Lawrence told us that he is so blessed to be on a team with us. Of course, I shed a couple more tears.

Branches:

Saturday night, the indie folk band Branches gave our office a private concert. That in itself was incredible. I love the music, and the band members are amazing. They sent all of us home with their new album. The coolest thing that happened though was God moving. I had really just bonded with one of the girls here the day before, and we had talked some about faith. Branches played a song, and we were all sitting down. I was next to this girl, and she turned to me and said, "This song is about me. It was written for me." She looked so awestruck, and then she was just so full of joy that she jumped up and started dancing. After that song, she slipped out for a few minutes. She came back in and grabbed me and told me she had just decided to follow Christ. It was by far the coolest thing I've ever seen. Every day this week, when I've felt discouraged or lost sight of what matters, I've just thought about that moment. No matter what, God is still moving and still saving people. It's such a beautiful thing. And I'm so excited for the beginning of my friendship with this girl. I have a feeling it's going to only grow to be more incredible.

Valentine's Day:

It's super weird to me that I have something positive to say about Valentine's Day. Anyone who knows me knows that I can't stand it. I'm always irritated and cynical. It is a day that makes me angry. Fortunately, this year was not like all the years before it. The night before, I sat up with my teammates while we made Valentines for the guys on our team. We had our first screening in the morning, and I was speaking for it. We went to the office, and I sat in the van practicing what I was going to say. I also got to set out the Valentines for Lawrence and our team leader, Andrew. We did our screening, and it went pretty well. It was so exciting because in a week, that is going to be our life. Just the five of us, in our van, presenting to people. It's actually insane. When we got back to the office, I walked to my desk to find flowers. My perfect friend, who I think of as my sister, sent them to me! The card said Happy Galentine's Day in reference to Parks and Rec because we are Leslie and Ann. (If you don't get this, please just watch Parks and Rec and laugh at how I am Leslie Knope.) Definitely tons of tears from that. It was so overwhelming.

Basically, all this to say I'm extremely blessed. When I started this blog, I honestly thought that there were going to be days when I couldn't find anything beautiful. And I really thought they would surface immediately. Instead, God is at every turn, showing me things I could have never imagined. I've learned more here in the past month than I think I've ever learned in my life. Not just about Joseph Kony and the LRA, but about myself, about God, about love, about working with others. It's so cool to see people starting to really get comfortable and close, but so sad to know that we only have another week before we split up and then only one week back in the office. The love here is crazy.

I am so excited to get on the road and stop in Las Cruces in one week!

Also, I think the best way to close out this post is by casually mentioning that yesterday, I was actually required to learn two choreographed dances. Yeah, I work at Invisible Children. It's kind of the greatest.

Happy and Homesick

Week two at Invisible Children: done. It's so crazy how quickly time goes by, but also feels like several days crammed into one. I've been working 10-12 hour days this week. I've also realized that I love living with so many people. There are 64 of us in the house, and the most difficult things about it are cold showers, bad internet connection, and long lines for laundry. But everyone is so loving and so sweet.

This week was up and down for sure. Last Sunday, it sunk in that I cannot get green chile any and everywhere. Then, the first couple of days of booking were incredibly frustrating to me. I would spend most of the day calling and emailing people, leaving messages, talking directly to them, and getting no response. I am still learning the software and the process to book screenings and find contacts, and being so slow at using it is hard for me. I drove the van for the first time Wednesday. I had no incidents getting to the office from La Mesa. Leaving the parking garage after work, that was another story. I definitely clipped the walk and broke a window. I was so upset with myself. I was embarrassed, I was mad, I was tired. I felt so dumb. But every person in the van was absolutely an angel. I was crying and they were supportive and reassuring. Not a single person got frustrated with me. It was such a beautiful moment, realizing that every person in that van was so ready to be home but still so patient and encouraging to me, someone they only met a week ago.

I then got a couple of screening agreements back, which meant I got to ring the gong. My team leader, Andrew, is a wonderful person. He has speakers plugged into his laptop and special songs for each of us to have play when we go to ring the gong. Everyone cheers and goes crazy for every screening agreement we get. So when I walk up, I get to walk to Eye of the Tiger. It's basically the greatest thing ever.

I've also learned a ton this week. I've learned about some of Invisible Children's programs on the ground, and I've realized that this is a really serious organization. Yes, it was started basically by kids. Yes, teenagers and college students are the core of it here in the U.S. Yes, we dance, we shout, we're flashy. But we also are responsible for a bill that is saving lives in Central Africa. We also are building sustainable programs on the ground. We're helping the people of Northern Uganda to rebuild. And we aren't just giving handouts. We're giving financial training, we're giving the opportunity for education so the next generation can live in peace. It's crazy.

And I didn't only learn about programs. I learned a lot about friendships. I realized how we have to work to maintain relationships in a way I hadn't realized it before. I was reassured that when you are close to someone, you can actually always talk to them about how you feel. I learned that it's really comforting to have someone from home, even when you love everyone new you're meeting. I think really I learned a lot about love and all the different ways it shows up in my life. And this is only the second week here. I can feel the change and the growth in my heart already.

I also went to a really great church today. It's not really like the Calvary Night Service back in Las Cruces, but it had a really similar vibe. That being said, I am a little homesick. Just the right amount, I think.

Real quick, a couple of highlights of the week:

A lovely roadie for Cal-Vegas got called for the question and answer session. We do Q&A every day to make sure we know what we're doing. She is very soft spoken and maybe the sweetest person alive. She went up to the front and delivered the most eloquent answer to her question. The room was silent as she spoke, and when she was done, we all jumped out of our chairs, cheering and clapping. Some people were crying. It was beautiful.

We were all reminded that we no longer need to say, "I love what Invisible Children is doing," but rather, "I love what we're doing." We are Invisible Children.

And a shout out to my new teammate, Laura. She already is just proving to be an amazing human and jumped right into our team like she had always been there.

And finally, some moving words spoken by one of our founders, Jason Russell (may be some paraphrasing):

"It's not where you take things from, it's where you take things to."

"Everything in your life is preparing you for the opportunity that is to come."

"Wherever you are, no matter the circumstance, you can chose to live life beautifully, you can choose joy."

"Your thoughts dictate the reality that you're living in... You teach people how to treat you. You have the choice to either bring the party or not bring the party."

To a Short and Beautiful Friendship

As we began the second week, one of my beautiful teammates, Julianne, made the hard choice to leave us and go on a different journey. I am so in love with my team, so it was definitely a huge loss. She is a beautiful girl and such a sweetheart. I am so sad that her path is one that takes her away from us after we have only known her for a week.

I have such respect for her though. She realized that she needed to do something different, and I admire how she knew this about herself so early on.

It doesn't matter that I only have known her for a week. I love her. I'm planning to stay in touch. It's hard but I love her all the more for making this call. What incredible strength and maturity. Even if I felt that I couldn't give everything I have to this organization, I think I wouldn't have had the courage to do what was right in this situation.

Middle America is actually the luckiest. We get to have a sixth teammate.

We didn't lose one; we are gaining another.

Love you Julianne. You will be missed.

Oceanside

I saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time last night. Being from the desert, it is a little overwhelming and terrifying to look out over that much water. It doesn't translate to me. It scares me. I was more fearful because it was dark. I couldn't that I couldn't see anything but an endless expanse of water. That is terrifying.

I have been thinking about this idea of the ocean. It's beautiful. It's one of those things that reveals the glory of God. And the way I look at the ocean is similar to how I view God. Both are beautiful, infinite, and inspire fear and awe in me. Not only does the ocean cover a vast distance, it is deep. Again, like God. I think He made the ocean to remind us. It's especially effective if you are from a place that is more likely to go 9 months without rain than not. It's a powerful thing.

And then I started to think about the darkness that prevented me from seeing the ocean. That is so like the sin in this world. It's so like the sin in me that stops me from knowing God. It's incredible. I fear the ocean and the vastness and the depth and how overwhelming it is. But when it is shrouded in darkness. That is crazy. I was scared, but like a child is scared. I wasn't fearful of the might of the ocean in all its glory and beauty. I was afraid that it existed at all. The darkness prevented me from actually seeing this immense thing that is the great Pacific Ocean.

It's an interesting thought. The light comes and dispels the darkness. Then we can see the ocean. And I might still be afraid of the concept of so much water, but I'm overwhelmed by it's beauty.

It's just like God. Christ came to dispel darkness. And through Christ, I can see the beauty of God, if only I'll look for Him.

God's creation is magnificent.

First Week

My first day here = incredible. But first, the crazy story of how I actually got to San Diego!

I decided that the bus was the way to go. So cheap. Yeah I would leave in the middle of the night and be on a bus for 17 hours. Seemed worth it to me. My first bus was leaving at midnight, but it never showed. My beautiful friends drove me to Tuscon, and I managed to get on a bus there. I made friends with a grown man who introduced himself as Dodger, which sounds way sketchier than it actually was. Eventually I made it to San Diego around 11.

The next morning, we went to the office. I was lucky enough to see a lot of friendly faces, so it wasn't too overwhelming. It was insane, and totally ridiculous but it wasn't terrifying. Just really awesome.

Over this week, I've met so many people, and they are all amazing. I love my team more every day. I love the campaign we're about to launch. I love the vision, I love San Diego, I love that I'm part of this. It's so clear to me that this is where I'm supposed to be.

It's hard work. I've studied more than I did in the last two years of school. But I am really enjoying it. The energy in the office is actually tangible.

Also, I'm pretty sure that it turns out I'm extroverted. Apparently everyone knew but me.

So excited about so much. There are too many details to go into here about the beauty in IC office life.